I love to laugh. I love to have a good time. I don’t like dwelling on the negative. Yet, I often still lose myself to the tendency of living with a heavy heart. When my mom was around she would say “stop thinking so much”, which in my mind sounded like “be more ignorant”. I always fought her on it; “Mom, you don’t get it. There’s so much negative stuff going on out there, and I’ve got to conquer it”.
As I get older and deal with more and more heavy experiences, I’m starting to get it. My mom had experienced every bit of hurt and pain and unhealthiness in the world that I had, and maybe more. She wasn’t telling me to stifle my intelligence; she was telling me to choose the light. The world and all that is in it will exist, no matter how much I think about its heaviness. The only thing to reduce heaviness, and to change the world for that matter, is to figure out how to live in the place where light lives.
Simple, but not. Especially for those of us who have experienced the painfully unpredictable (and are prone to heavy thinking).
As I enter year four, I am at a place of rebuilding the depth of my self. It involves reconstructing passions, interests, physical health, deep relationships, and even requires becoming excited about future plans – yikes. It asks me to consider how my life might become full, even though her’s is over. It is in the middle of this fight that I so quickly shut the blinds on the sunshine that irritates my senses. It is this fight that leaves me reluctant to give in to good. And this is where my mom would chime in and say, “Lighten up.”.
There comes a point at which it is largely up to us to direct our lives, by venturing to figure out what it will take to rewire our outlook. This may take more wisdom than our own to achieve, maybe even professional wisdom.
I dared myself today to intentionally choose a good thought over a dark or hopeless one. The opportunity arose before I was even finished writing this, reminding me how much easier said than done this all is. But, if I can do it just once today I have won a battle in the war.
I’d like to leave you with this video about the power of letting your mind accept the positive in the midst of darkness. This TEDX talk features a very brilliant friend of mine who has a whole lot of wisdom to share.
Here’s to heavy thinkers, trying to make friends with the light.