I have been doing a lot of packing boxes, planning, saying goodbye, unpacking boxes, painting and arranging. I have not, however, been doing a lot of blogging.
Here I am, back in my sunny hometown, in my husband’s condo that I haven’t quite learned to call “ours” yet, trying to let it sink in that life has significantly changed yet again!
I have been in a strange space the last month or so – I have been anxious. The anxiety phases come and go in waves, and perhaps always will to some degree, but this was rounding the corner into depression. I blame clouds, rain and a lack of blogging to some degree. I also believe that your body knows more than your mind at times. The anxiety was getting my attention and informing my brain that it was time to go home. Time to soak in the love of those I know best. Time for the comfort of the old and familiar. In other words, the place that once felt overwhelming is the place that is now offering security and freedom. I need those that knew her; those that know me better than I do. I can’t do it alone. The choice to go home was made more certain by the fact that everything allowing it to be possible presented itself to us without our even trying.
This move has been big for us. It meant leaving a beautiful place, amazing people and the ocean. It meant a two-day road trip through the mountains (beautiful). It meant Adam starting a new job again. It meant a huge lifestyle change (did I mention I filled up with gas about once a month on the island?). It meant gaining many friends and family. It meant entering back into the “real world” where the absence of my mom is felt more directly. It meant a salad of amazing, tough, precious things.
My first few days following the move were characterized by the aforementioned anxiety, but weight is slowly being peeled from my shoulders and I am realizing that I am safe – that I really am home even though the city and I are both different than two years ago. Though it was heartache-y to leave the island and our incredible people there, it feels right and good to be here.
Thank you, island friends, for being everything I needed the past couple years and still do. Thank you, home faces, for making this feel like the place we should be. Adam and I have constantly been in conversation about how lucky we are to be surrounded by such people wherever we are. We feel incredibly spoiled by the richness of our friendships.
So, cue Ty Pennington… “MOVE. THAT. BUS!!”
Hopefully this marks the return to a more frequent blogging habit, thanks for sticking with me!