The Years Go By

Special occasions are said to be most difficult during the first year. They are hard; you don’t know how to go about anything, you don’t know how it will feel, you miss them. So much.

The second year was almost more difficult for me though. It’s the second year when you discover they are really gone, and always will be. The second year I thought okay, she’s missing things now! That was the hard part.

The third go round feels different still. But, as far as I can tell, it brings with it a much greater amount of peace. You learn how to make them a part of things while they are absent. You understand a little bit more fully that they are here, and that happy occasions don’t deserve to be sad occasions forever.

On this, my “third” birthday, I wake up feeling happy and alive. Hopeful. She’s closer now than in the past two years, this can only mean bright things for years still to come.

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5 thoughts on “The Years Go By

  1. Is today the anniversary of your mother’s death if today is your “third birthday”?? Thinking of and loving this post. Time is our worst enemy. Most people think that death is the enemy but I have realized maybe it isn’t. We all die at some point or another because it is the only certainty in life. But time? Losing that precious time with our loved ones? That is our enemy.
    ……. I think I just thought of my idea for my next post writing that to you!

    1. I love this thought Krista!! That is really profound (glad it led you to a new post idea ;) I think that will be a good one!)

      It’s actually my own birthday today, 3rd one since she’s been gone – that seems crazy to say…

  2. My birthday last year was a few days after my mom died, and only a couple of weeks before what would have been her 56th. As the months flow onwards towards my 2nd birthday since her death – also my 30th – I feel nervous and uncertain… Reading this post reminded me that yes, it’s probably going to be tough, dealing with a birthday without her after just dealing with the first anniversary of her death and deal with turning 30, but that’s okay. There will be more birthdays to come, and they won’t all be so tough…

    Hope you had a good birthday!

    1. Wow Laurel, that is a lot to deal with in such a short span of time. I’m not sure if your birthday has passed yet or not, but I am sending hugs your way! I hope you find a sense of calm and peace amid all the memories of what surrounds those days. But, yes, the cakes will keep coming every year and you definitely have permission to put one in the freezer for a year… Take care Laurel!

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