It seems impossible to know where I’m at moment to moment when it comes to healing. Only when I look backwards can I say, okay I’ve traveled some distance. I used to feel that way and now I feel this way – I must be somewhere new. Each time I hit a new stage, I understand that I was not as complete as I thought during the previous stage.
This is something that has potential to cause disconnect or rejection of the past self, instead of holding tight to all parts of self which have traveled through the grief process. It’s like any time of life where we look back and say yikes, sorry everyone for… all that.
If you can relate, I think it’s important that we not lose trust in ourselves and never, ever reject who we were in the past. If we look back after a bout of confidence and say Wowza, did I really think that? Feel that? Do that? we should probably give a nod to our past selves, understanding that our future selves will be even more whole than we are now. We must recognize that all of these selves are worthy of love.
I interject a question here: Do we really love ourselves completely if we tear up old journals, hide all pictures of the time we gained weight, or talk down about who we were in the past? I personally don’t think so. If we can’t accept the full spectrum of who we were, are and will be, we aren’t there yet – that means me.
I am still traveling down the long road to regaining a powerful love of self in the wake of losing my biggest source of confidence. I am eternally grateful to you who have so intentionally reminded me why I’m valuable.
I will leave you with this nice little tune, which is a very good one to sing to one’s self in the morning: